How To Use Tarot For Love

There are lots of ways to go about this and believe me, I’ve tried just about all of them. I’ve learned that some techniques work better than others, and I recommend you experiment with whatever feels natural to you.

Generally speaking, you can ask your tarot cards whatever you want. For example, if you are waiting for that special person to contact you, and you want to draw a card to find out when you’ll get his or her text, go ahead! There’s no harm in exploring the scope of what your cards can do. Follow your intuition, and be open to the answers. You might not get a clear answer, or you might not get the answer you want. Still, each time you interact with your tarot deck, you’ll get a better sense of how to use your cards and what to ask to get the best results.

There are two main ways I recommend when using tarot cards for love guidance. The first is to use your cards to learn new information about yourself that can help you move past any issues or blocks you may have developed around love and relationships. The second way is to ask your tarot cards about the nature of your relationship (or potential relationship) drawing cards for each person in the same reading.

Using Tarot For Self-Knowledge

The tricky thing about love and relationships is that there are a lot of things outside of your control. That’s why these tarot spreads are my go to’s when I start to feel ungrounded in my love life. You can’t control the other person in the relationship, but you can control yourself. There’s a lot of power in that.

Tarot Spreads For Self-Knowledge

Here are tarot spreads you can use to get more insight into who YOU are in the context of love and relationships.

Personal Attraction Tarot Spread

For this spread, don’t draw cards as you normally would. Sit quietly for a moment. Then take some time to look at each card in your deck (face up) and select one card to answer each of these two questions.

Card #1: What do I value in a partner?

Card #2: What attracts me to a partner?

Don’t over think this exercise. Go with your first impulse. These two cards represent the thoughts of your conscious mind.

Next, shuffle your cards and draw two more cards from your deck. Don’t look at these cards before you draw them. Pick these cards the way you’d normally draw your tarot cards.

Card #3: What do I value in a partner?

Card #4: What attracts me to a partner?

These two cards show the thoughts of your subconscious mind.  

After you’ve selected your cards, take out your journal, and write down what each card means to you. Look for patterns between the first two and the second two cards. Do you see any similarities? Are there any surprises? Does this spread seem accurate? If not, sit with the cards longer. Hold them in your hands and examine the images. You can use the traditional meanings of the cards, or pull from your intuition. The point of this spread is to get more information about what you’re attracted to and what you desire in a partner.

You can also use the general relationship meanings of the suits as you analyze this spread.

• Swords cards can represent similar worldviews and thinking patterns.
• Wands cards can represent similar activities, passions, and hobbies.
• Cups cards can represent similar ways of expressing emotion.
• Pentacles cards can represent being physically close to someone or the material benefits he/she brings to the relationship.
• Major Arcana cards can represent similar spiritual values.

Defining Love Tarot Spread

Separate the Major Arcana cards from the rest of your deck. Look through the twenty-two cards one at a time and pick the card that represents what love means to you.

Next, shuffle the rest of the Major Arcana cards and draw a card as you normally would. This is how you subconsciously define love.

Journal about these two cards. How are they similar? How are they different? What thoughts, feelings or memories come up as you gaze at the images on the cards? What new insights has this tarot spread given you?

Thinking and Feeling Tarot Spread

Use this spread when you need some mental clarity around your relationship.

Shuffle the cards and draw two cards.

Card #1: What do I think about the person I’m in a relationship with?

Card #2: What do I feel about this person?

Journal about your thoughts as you analyze your cards. This spread is fine to repeat as often as once a day because our thoughts and feelings change so quickly with every new interaction. Keeping track of these cards in a journal will help you see patterns or major changes in your thoughts and feelings over time.

Fears and Blocks Tarot Spread

This is a spread I use in all areas of my life, but it’s especially effective in the area of love. Many times, we self-sabotage ourselves because of old wounds that show up as fears or blocks that we carry with us for years.

This spread helps shed light on what could be holding you back and how to overcome it. You can use this spread for any phase in your relationship, whether you’re just beginning to flirt or you’re ten years in.

Shuffle the deck and draw six cards.

Card #1: What is the current energy of my relationship?

Card #2: What are my fears around this relationship?

Card #3: Where am I self-sabotaging?

Card #4: Why am I self-sabotaging?

Card #5: How do I release this block?

Card #6: What can I expect to experience after I release this block?

Journal about these cards using traditional meanings and your intuition. Jot down anything that comes to mind without judgment. Card #6 can be positive or negative. It actually doesn’t matter what that card is because it is only showing what you’re likely to experience right after you release your block. If it’s positive, great! Enjoy that energy. If it’s one of the more grim-looking cards in the deck, don’t sweat it. It’s totally normal to feel upset or moody after releasing a difficult block or habit.

Using Tarot For Relationship Guidance

Choosing a Lover Spread

This spread is helpful if there are several potential lovers in your life and you’re trying to decide which relationship to put energy towards.

It’s a very simple spread. Just ask your tarot deck what you’ll likely experience if you were to pursue a relationship with each potential lover.

The temptation with this spread is to keep re-drawing your cards, especially if you don’t get the answer you want.

If this happens, take notice of your feelings! How you feel when you analyze your cards can be just as helpful as the actual cards. If your heart sinks when you reveal a more negative card for a specific person, pay attention to that. Now you’re starting to get to the bottom of what you’re really feeling. You’re connecting to your emotions through the hypotheticals you’re exploring with your tarot cards.

Type of Love Tarot Spread

Do this spread for guidance on how to better love and connect with your lover (or potential lover). This is a wonderful spread to do with your significant other present because as you go through the cards, you can open up a dialogue around your relationship.

Card #1: How do you show up in this relationship?

Card #2: How do you prefer to be loved?

Card #3: How do you naturally give love?

Card #4: How does your lover show up in this relationship?

Card #5: How does your lover prefer to be loved?

Card #6: How does your lover naturally give love?

Using Oracle Cards For Love

You can substitute oracle cards in any of these tarot spreads. Some oracle decks will work better than others, so feel free to experiment with different ones until you find one that works for the spread. Another way to use oracle cards is to pull one along with each tarot card. If you’re drawing a three-card spread, draw six cards instead—three tarot cards and three oracle cards. Use the oracle cards to clarify the tarot card in each position.   

There are also several love-themed tarot and oracle decks on the market right now. Though having a love-themed deck is great (I’ve used them and enjoyed them myself), they’re by no means necessary for an accurate and insightful love reading.

Unclear Love Tarot Readings

If you start to notice your love readings aren’t making much sense anymore, or if they’re just not resonating like they used to, don’t get frustrated! You might need to charge your tarot cards.

There are many different ways you can go about charging your deck for the intention of doing a love reading.

Here are three of my favorite methods:

Method #1: You can use a few drops of diluted rose oil (or any other love oil) on a cloth and wrap your deck in the cloth for a few hours.

Method #2: You can hold your cards while listening to your favorite love song. As the song plays, visualize sending all your happy, fluttery love feelings into your tarot deck. If you’re charging the deck for a relationship reading, use a song that is significant to you and your lover.

Method #3: Set a rose quartz stone on the deck. This crystal is great for cultivating self-love, romantic love, and unconditional love.  

Final Thoughts On Using Tarot For Love

It can be really easy to get dependent on tarot readings. If you find yourself drawing cards for every little question or concern you have around your relationship, take a break from readings for a day or so.

Try using your cards in a spell or meditation, rather than in a tarot spread. Remember: your tarot practice should support your power, not take it away. The energy of the Magician card is a perfect card to meditate on when you need to connect to your power again.

Tarot cards are just ink on paper. The magic comes from the intention you place on the cards. No matter what the cards say, you have all the power of the universe at your fingertips. You’re a witch!

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Updated on August 20, 2023 by Avery Hart